Open Letter to the NCDOT and Village of Clemmons – Veterans Wife Speaks Out
Imagine doing what you can to build security, with comfort, so you and your spouse can enjoy your retirement years, and so you have an escape from the horrors of RSD, and loneliness. Then boom, the powers that be step in and everything you’d worked toward, fought for, and carefully planned out, is being pulled from under you.
I get that folks don’t understand RSD, and I’ve done my best to keep what I go through and feel to myself. However, when the very people who haven’t a clue, and don’t care because it’s not happening to them, begin making decisions that directly impact you, enough is enough.
I’ve mastered silence and smiling, and accepted that most people are selfish and/or have an agenda, and that I only matter when adding happiness or value to their lives. But why should it be okay to have the one thing that brings me enjoyment ripped away from me?
How can so little value be placed on something that ultimately leaves me with nothing, and adds to the already difficult daily battles I face?
Basically being a shut in during the cold winter months isn’t easy; try it! Counting down to the arrival of spring knowing you can walk out your back door, turn on the installed outdoor music system, and get in your private pool to relax and enjoy water therapy, without glaring eyes, makes the daily battles easier. And now, they wanna take it away; want ME to tear it down; so they can run a road, bike path, and sidewalk, where some of my best days are spent.
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel anymore alone, feel anymore pain, shed anymore tears… I find myself at the crossroads of a very scary place; reaching out for someone to help me, praying for a miracle, and hanging on to the last ‘drop’ of positivity I can muster.
I’ve given everything I’ve got to everyone else, and the one time I look out for myself and do something for me, it’s being taken. How do you remain hopeful, when you devote your life to being the best person you can be, doing what’s right, and doing for others, to only be met with adversity and struggles repeatedly?
I’m tortured plenty, trust me I am far more harder on myself than anyone else could be. I live it daily. My once sparkly spotless home is now a constant reminder of what I can no longer do. Just as the shoes in my closet, that I can no longer wear, are. There’s a lot of things that tear at my confidence as well. Like having a foot that decides it wants to imitate the walking dead… Taking on a purple appearance. Having a big toe that hasn’t moved in 6 1/2 years. Walking with a limp. Enduring chronic level pain, that over time has changed my appearance. All of it weaves itself into emotional damage also. It’s a tough pill to swallow when the actions of others, and at times words, sting worse than the bees you’re allergic to.
I could go on and on, but the fact is, that I’m just along for the ride; hanging on to the strings that everyone else is controlling. I’m still me despite what RSD has taken from me, and if only others could see that, they just might be the one or ones to bring me back to life.
Southernly ~ Kim Durham